The Melancholy of Haruki Suzumiya
by Arin-chan
Summary: Gender bender version of The Melancholy of Haruhi Suzumiya.
1. Chapter 1

_**Hey this is Arin-chan I don't own Haruhi Suzumiya and I don't own this chapter it belongs to 35kirby. Who kindly gave permition to finish. I don't own anything **_

_**I swear!**_

_Asking how long someone believed in "Santa Claus" is meaningless and stupid and not even worth as gossip. If you ask me how much time I spent in my childhood believing in a fat, over weight, red garbed old man I would say...I never. I knew the Santa at preschool was a fake. Not that I saw mommy kissing Santa, it was that a little cute kid who thought a man who only worked once a year would never existed._

_Be it, time travelers, aliens, espers, demons, ghosts, evil organizations and the heroes from anime and manga that fight the evil organizations were also fake as well. I had probably realized it before, but...I never wanted to admit it. However, deep inside me some where, I wanted them to be real, but reality sucks. One might think how the laws of physics was wrote in our world. Soon I had stopped watching those prediction shows and UFO specials._

_Aliens. Time travelers. Espers. None of them could EVER exist. __**sigh**__ I wish they just did._

_So as I accept reality, I think I've matured._

_As we look at my new high school, since the times of all my childish dreams, I've scraped those dreams in a dark corner of my brain. When I entered this school, with no particular vision in my mind, thats when I met __him._

"_My name is Haruki Suzumiya," he said. "I have no interests in ordinary humans." What? _

"_If any of you are aliens, espers, or time travelers, please come see me. That is all!"_

_That is all? Did you even notice what you just said? __**dramatic poses of cameras **__There stood an one handsome figure. As he looked around I just gaped my mouth. As we all stared at him as he sat. down. Most people think he was kidding, but one thing you should know about him, he __**never**__ kids around. That was the first time I met Haruki and I deeply hoped it was a coincidence._

**QUE OPENING!!**

As long as Haruki was quit and not a bother behind me, he was as normal as an average guy, which he's not. And since my seat was in front of his, I guessed I was approachable. You can't expect my curiosity to wear on me did you?

"Hey um...what you said at the introduction earlier," I said,"Did you really mean all of it?"

"What do you mean?" he responded

"The stuff about alien and stuff."

"What are you one of them?"

"Um no"

"No what?"

"Um...Just forget it."

"Then don't say anything. It's a waste of my time."

**TO THE CAFETERIA!!**

"Why are you interested in him! Not me!" Tanagunchi stated.

"I'm not interested in him!" I sharply responded.

"I just say you should quit at it."

"I don't like him!!"

"I'm saying' just don't mince words. I was in the same class as him for 3 years. He's stranger than an alien. Haruki did lots of strange stuff in middle school."

"Yeah like what?'

"The campground graffiti."

"What?"

"Haruki stole one of those chalk-line drawers and drew a weird symbol on the ground with it."

"Yeah I've heard of it." Kunikida said. I totally forgot he was there.

"So he did it?" I spoke.

"Yeah he even admitted it"

"And One morning we found all the desks out in the hall."

"I saw Haruki throw a ball at the rooftop and disappeared."

"He drew stars on the roof with paint, stuck a bunch of talismans around the school Don't even know why. But he's very popular. Most girls fall for him. Very athletic and good grades. You couldn't tell that he was a freak if he was just standing there."

"Are there anymore stories?" Kuni said(nickname for Kunikida).

"It just keeps on going. He has the shortest dating period. Any girl that has the guts to go ask him out, he says yes to all of them, but ends up in a break up."

I stare at him.

"What? It's just a rumor! But I'm warning you, go out with him and it'll be as quick as snap. Or you could go out with me and it'll last till we are as old as dirt!"

"I think I'll pass." I said.

"What?!"

**TO THE OUTSIDE THINGY!! SCENE!!**

As we see a guy running by Tanagunchi starts talking again.

"There Ryou goes. Enemy number 1!"

"Why is that?" I asked.

"Well, I rated all the good looking, smart, athletic guys from 1-10. the higher the number, the more likely to date you."

"Wow."

"Impressive huh?"

"No. Pathetic."

**Tanagunchi dramatically falls**

As soon as he sat down it was Haruki's turn to run and man was he fast! Most of us were surprised.

_But at this point,Haruki has yet to acted up, as for me it was 1 month of relaxation. But however, there were numbers of Haruki's eccentric behaviors._

_1)Different headband each day. Monday-yellow, Tuesday-red, Wednesday-blue,Green on Thurs. Fri.-gold._

_2)Boys and girls split up for gym class. Girls change in even and boys odd. I just had to be in an odd room. When its time for girls to go, Haruki just starts unbuttoning his pan-...going on!_

_I say Haruki sees all regular humans as rocks. _

_3)Haruki is amazing at sports I might say. He would join every club there was...then leave them..._

_on the same day. Sports clubs followed her trying to have him join, but frankly, he never joined one club._

_Going on past the first day after golden week..._

"Hey! Kyonko!" Tanagunchi said.

"Hey."

"What you do over the break?"

"I took my bro to my grandma's house."

"Lame."

"Not as lame as your pick-up lines."

"Some day you will fall for me!"

"In another world that is."

"GAHH!"

**TO SCHOOL!!**

As I looked at his head band it was blue.

"So it's Wednesday." I said

Somehow I had myself wanting to talk to him.

"Do you wear those headbands as an alien countermeasure or some thing?"

I talked to him. Wow.

"So when did you notice?"

"Hmm Just recently."

"Oh. I think each day has an image to it. I guess. Monday-Yellow," Wow a full complete answer.

"Tuesday-Red, Wednesday-Blue, Thursday's Green, Friday-Gold, Saturday-Brown and Sunday's white."

"So by the numbers, Monday's zero and Sunday's 6?"

"Yep."

"But, Monday feels like 1 to me."

"Who cares about your opinion."

Stare...

"Have I met you somewhere before?"

"No."

_This was a trigger, nothing but a trigger. He used a full answer for once. That's a trigger to me._

_He usually says,"Gah.- I don't care.-Who Cares". Or something at least he's not rude._

_That's when the next few days, he wasn't wearing his headbands, just the gold one._

_After that, chatting with Haruki was a daily thing._

"I've heard that every girl who asked you out, you dumped them is it true?" I said.

"Is that your business? But it's probably true."

"Not one girl you were interested in?"

"Nope. All girls too normal, they all mess with their hair, put on make-up and ALL were just normal humans. All normal people are useless.."

Wow.

"Middle school was irritating."

"Then what would you date?"

"Alien, Time traveler or espers."

"What's up with you and non-humans?"

"So it makes life more interesting!!"

**TO MIDDLE OF SCHOOL DAY!!**

_As I looked over, Haruki was leaving the classroom. I wonder why?_

"I KNEW YOU WERE INTERESTED IN HIM!" Tanagunchi said.

"I am not!" I shouted.

"Well, that was the longest time I've heard I'm talk!"

"Huh?"

"What you say to him?"

I just asked him what was on my mind nothing wrong there.

"It's the end of the world."

"Kyonko is always getting into the weird ones." Kuni said walking up to us.

"I don't like him!"

"I'd also like to know." Ryou said behind me. "I would want Haruki to be friends with us. Maybe

Play football or something. So is there a trick to talk to him or something?"

"I don't know."

"Well I'm happy your his friend."

"I am not his friend."

"Well just keep at! I hope he opens up to the rest of us!"

"If we need his help, we'll just tell you and you can tell him!"

"...HEY! I'm not a messenger!"

**A FEW DAYS LATER!!**

_So after that we had to change seats. I got the one next to a window. Pretty cool. And not in front of Haruki. Bye Bye. Hehe. _

_Until I saw him sitting behind me._

"So what clubs are good at this school." I asked him.

"None."

Wow an immediate answer.

"I thought clubs got better as the schools went on! I was wrong."

"What about those mystery investigation clubs?"

"All a joke. What do you think?"

"Nothing really."

"Man It's so boring around here!! With all those clubs you'd think at least one weird one!"

"You can't expect that you know. People always invent things that aren't there. Like planes and cars and-"

"STUT UP!"

Rude maybe?

_Just maybe I gave the idea off of this happened suddenly. He pulled my ponytail._

**PULL!**

"OW!! Let go!" I screamed. I knew who it was. Haruki Suzumiya.

"I know what to do now!" He said.

"Just let go!" He had let go of my hair.

"I'm gonna make a club myself!"

"Sure, but can this wait till class ends?"

I showed him how everyone was staring at us. Then we sat down.

"LET GO OF MY HAIR!" I shouted as we ran trough the hallway, up the stairs to the top room

"Okay," He said, "We're gonna make a club!"

"Let go of my hair and what do you mean, 'we'?"

"WE are gonna make a club."

"I think you dragged me up here just to seduce me."

"I'll get the room and members, You do the paperwork."

"Did you even here me?"

"Do it or it's the death penalty!!"

**LATER TODAY!!**

"NOT AGAIN OW!!" I screamed. While he dragged me through the hallway. We entered a room in the old building a their sat a guy.

"This is our new clubroom!!" Haruki said.

"Where are we?"

"The literary Clubroom! All the third-years graduated so left is this guy! He joined so the club wouldn't be cut."

"Yuuki Nagato" The guy said.

"Is it Okay with you that we use this clubroom?"

"Yes."

"Even if we kick you out?"

"Sure."

"He said it was okay!" Haruki said. "All he wants is a place to read and it's fine."

I sighed.

"Okay. You have to meet in this room after school every day or the death penalty!"

"I understand"

_And so the next day.._

"Go on ahead to the clubroom. There's business I need to take care of.." Haruki said and he walked off.

As I waited in the clubroom I asked questions to Yuuki.

"Soo What ya reading?" He showed me the book.

"Is it good?"

"Unique"

"Okay. You like books a lot right?"

"It's okay."

As we were talking Haruki entered the room.

"Sorry it took so long! I had to persuade him to come! Meet Mitsuuru Asahina!"

"Um Hi?" He said. He looked like he was about to wet his pants.

Ca-Chink!

"Wait! Why are you locking the door?!" I said.

"Reasons a minor doesn't need to know."

"Well, Where did he come from anyways?"

"I caught him sleeping on his desk and I persuaded him to come with me."

"Well why him?"

"He was the only guy I could find. Plus we need a mascot character!"

"A what?"

"Look at him! Most guys his age are bigger than him and if we put him in a costume, all girls will be 'Look how cute he is.' See?"

No I don't.

"And YOU!"

"What, why me?"

"Your here cuz You gave me the idea."

"Why are you telling me this"

"I thought your nagging mind would want to know."

I'm not naggy.

"We also need a Moe character!"

"What?!"

"Your the only girl out of us 3"

Yuuki is in the club as well?

"and every team of sorts has a Moe character."

"Okay I get that part," sorta.

"So are you the literary club?" Huh.

"It says it outside. And I'm wondering what the literary club does."

"We aren't the literary club." Haruki stated.

"We borrowing this room for a while." I said. "The club we're in doesn't have a name or anything. I don't even know what we do here. The person over there is the real literary club member." I pointed to Yuuki.

"Hey don't worry! I came up with a name!"

"So what's the name gonna be?"

_Woo. The name of the mystery club has been decided. Lets listen in._

"It's gonna be called...The SOS BRIGADE!!"

**S**aving the world by

**O**ver loading it with fun with

**S**uzumiya Haruki's

**Brigade**

_Or __**SOS BRIGADE **_for short

Feel free to laugh till your lungs burst.

_**sigh **__the club that has a LOL name that doesn't know what we're gonna do next. A first at this school. Oh joy._

**ENDING DANCE AND CREDITS!!**


	2. Chapter 2

Hey Arin-chan again and again I don't own Haruhi Suzumiya and I don't own this story it belongs to 35kirby. Who epicly awesome!!

**QUE OPENING!!**

As about 2 months past, my high school life has been flipped upside-down by one person, Haruki Suzumiya. Thanks him, I'm now in the depths of an equivalent to hell.

**TO THE GIANT HILL!!!!**

As I had my relaxing no-Haruki in site walk, Ryou had ran up to me and **BAM!!!**

"Ow!" I said lying on the ground.

"Sorry," Ryou responded, "I wasn't paying attention."

"It's okay."

"Oh yeah! I have stuff to do at school. See ya!"

Then he was gone in a flash. Weird.

Soon as I entered the classroom, Haruki had walked up to me and said, "Hey Kyonko!

What else would we need for the club?"

"What?"

"I think we need a mysterious transfer student."

"Okay what?"

"It's been a long time since school started, so this would be the perfect time. People would think he's mysterious."

"Nothing is mysterious about a person moving."

"Yes it is."

"So if that is 'mysterious' what's normal?"

"People like you."

Wow thanks.

"I wished one showed up."

Sigh.

**START ZE OPENING!!!!**

_Since the day Haruki founded his little club, he had collected (or stolen) usless junk from other clubs. He says they didn't need them and gave them to him, but why do we need a stove?_

"_Hey! Ya know what?" Haruki said. "What we really need is a computer."_

_You've got to be kidding me. First a mysterious transfer student now this?_

"And where do you think you'll get one?" I said.

"Hmmm......I got it!!!!"

Oh geez.

**TO THE CPU. CLUB ROOM!!!**

"Greetings everyone! I'm here to get a computer and all the stuff that goes to it!!!!"

Oh brother.

"What?!" said a guy out of the group of mentally scared nerds.

"I said I need a computer!"

"Just who the hell do you think you are barging in like that and asking for a computer!!"

"I'm Haruki Suzumiya and these are **my henchmen, number 1 and number 2** and we are the S.O.S. Brigade."

Did he just call me and Mitsuruu his henchmen?

"So hand over a computer and no one gets hurt."

"What in the right mind do you think I will?"

"Hmmm.... I guess then we'll do this the hardway. Hey Kyonko come here!"

"What is it now?" I said groggily.

"Now just relax."

Then he grabbed the guy's hand and....and...forced it on my chest! Then took a picture!!!!

"Now another!!!"

Then Haruki pushed the guy on top of me and I fell to the floor. Click! Another picture.

"What the hell did you do that for to bastard!!!!!!" I screamed.

"Now I have blackmail." he said, "Gimme a computer or I'll have to turn this in as sexual harassment."

"Now who in the right mind will believe you! All the cpu. Club saw you!" The cpu. Guy was furious.

"Then I'll have to saw all you guys ganged up on her and F***ed her!!"

"Haruki what the hell are you saying!!!" I screamed.

"Now which will it be?" Haruki said to the cpu. Guy.

"Just take which ever you want."

Harki is such an ass.

_A few minutes later._

"Hey Kyonko you still sitting here?" Haruki said as I was sitting in the clubroom laying my head on the table.

"Yes I am."

"You mad about what I did."

"asshole."

"Fine. **I full fulling swell that I will never do that again! **Better?"

"Hmph."

"Okay I'm sorry then okay?"

"Fine."

"Then help me make a website!"

"what?"

"We need a website to broadcast our club you know?"

Oh wow.

_Soon after the few hours that took us to happen was the cpu. Club installing a GPS wire and me making the website at lunch, but overall wasn't really abother._

Soon after I finished to website Yuuki came up to me and said:

"Please read this."

Okay?

But all I wanted today was to get home.

**ENDING DANCE AND CREDITS!!**


	3. Chapter 3

_**HIIII again I don't own Haruhi Suzumiya or the story it belongs to 35kirby. **_

**QUE OPENING!!**

_As the next day came I found myself walking back to the clubroom. I didn't even know why I was coming back. Was there even any hold on me to not get out of the club?_

"Hey," I said walking in the clubroom.

"What's up Kyonko?" Mitsuruu responded.

Yuki just nodded his head.....I think.

"So anyway, Where's Haruki?"

"YOOOO!!!!!!!!!" Haruki screamed as he bursted through the door.

Holy shit!!!

"What was that for?!"

"Guess what I got??"

What is it now? The president or the governor?

Click. He just locked the door. Doom is gonna come I know it.

"I got this!!!"

A tuxedo and a bunny girl costume. Wait what?!

"oh and this."

A flier for our club. Great.

"And what are you gonna do with these?"

"Not just me, Mitsuruu and I are gonna pass out fliers with these on."

"WHAT?" Mitsuruu said out from the corner of the room.

"But It doesn't make any sense," I said.

"What doesn't?"

"The bunny girl outfit who's gonna wear?"

"Mitsuruu."

"WHAT?!" Mitsuruu and I shouted.

"What's the problem?"

"Um.. Mitsuruu is a boy. Not a girl. He can't wear that!"

…."Okay then. You wear it!"

WHAT?!

"No. I simply refuse t-"

"Then Mitsuruu attacked me with puppy-dog eyes. And now your thinking. Not that bad?

Well guess again.

"Fine I guess I'll do it."

"Okay. Now let's get you undressed!"

"wait wha-"

Then I was attacked....again.

"Hey...Hey!!!!!!!! I can do it myself. Get out!"

The moment I shoved Haruki, Mitsuruu, and Yuuki out was the most glorious time of me in the club. It felt great when I kicked Haruki out of the clubroom. But the joy didn't last long.

**10 MINUTS LATERRRRRRRRRRRRRR.**

The moment next happening was murder. Haruki and I handing out fliers to people who went to this school....in a bunny suit. But how's dressing up like freaks gonna get people to come to haruki's club??

Soon the techers from another class came and dragged us in the building. Sweet relief.

After the principal screamed at us and Haruki getting detention, finally, the day ended.

"Hey, Kyonko." said Yuuki from the corner. "Did you read it?"

"What?" The first time I ever heard Yuuki say more than 3 words in a sentence.

"The book."

"Oh. No I didn't."

"Read it. Tonight. As soon as you get home."

"Then he left."

Weird...

**ENDING DANCE AND CREDITS!!**


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